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Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Three arrested after suspected gang clash in Northcote February 19, 2026
Police were called to Hoani St, in the suburb of Northcote, on Wednesday nignt. Photo: Dylan Smits Police have arrested three men after a serious incident in Christchurch that left four people injured, one critically.
Trio arrested after suspected gang clash February 19, 2026
Police were called to Hoani St, in the suburb of Northcote, on Wednesday nignt. Photo: Dylan Smits Police have arrested three men after a serious incident in Christchurch that left four people injured, one critically.
Andrew arrested over misconduct relating to Epstein February 19, 2026
The former Prince Andrew. File photo: Reuters King Charles' younger brother Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office over allegations he sent confidential government documents to Jeffrey Epstein.
Former Prince Andrew arrested over misconduct relating to Epstein February 19, 2026
German about to reach bucket list goal February 19, 2026
German multisporter Frederic Funk prepares for Challenge Wanaka. PHOTO: TOM MEYER Frederic Funk did his first triathlon at the age of 5 and has been a popular member of the ironman community in recent years. The German answers some questions as he prepares to take part in Challenge Wānaka this weekend.
Tangitau loving being part of a ‘big family down here’ February 19, 2026
Caleb Tangitau hopes to stay smiling for the Highlanders all season. PHOTO: GREGOR RICHARDSON Caleb Tangitau might have a new nickname this season but he hopes to produce plenty of the same magic that made him an instant fan favourite last year.
Not the worst season for the Volts, but pretty close February 19, 2026
Photo: files There is always someone worse off than you.
Adrian Seconi
Top qualifier Menzies ‘super bummed’ with seventh place February 19, 2026
Dane Menzies, of New Zealand, in action during his second run of the Milano Cortina Olympics men's snowboard slopestyle final at Livigno Snow Park in Livigno, Italy, yesterday. PHOTO: REUTERS New Zealand snowboarder Dane Menzies registered a top-10 finish in his debut at the Winter Olympics.
Sadowski-Synnott ‘so happy it’s over’ February 19, 2026
Zoi Sadowski- Synnott anxiously awaits her score after her second run in the Milano Cortina Olympics women's snowboard slopestyle final at the Livigno Snow Park in Livigno, Italy, yesterday. PHOTO: REUTERS Zoi Sadowski-Synnott is looking forward to putting her feet up.
Kayla Hodge
Plea to put ‘lid’ on white, clear plastics February 19, 2026
A penguin at Kelly Tarlton’s Sealife Aquarium, in Auckland, shows a preference for a white bottle cap, rather than other colours, during a plastics study. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Scientists have called for manufacturers to put ‘‘a lid on the production of white and clear plastics’’, after new research has found penguins and other seabirds appear to […]
John Lewis

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