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Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Driver guilty of indecent assault after trapping woman on bus May 5, 2026
The international student was the only passenger on the bus heading to West Auckland when she was groped just after 10pm. File photo: Getty Images A bus driver shut off the indoor lights of his bus late one night, refused to open the doors and asked a lone passenger if he could kiss her hand.
Southland councils for united response to amalgamation plans May 5, 2026
Environment Southland chair Jeremy McPhail said the region had a limited window to determine its future. PHOTO: ODT FILES Southland's regional council is calling for a united response after the government announced councils have three months to come up with plans to amalgamate or it will be done for them.
Unemployment expected to stay at near-decade high May 5, 2026
Major bank economists expect the unemployment rate to stay unchanged at 5.4 percent or nudge slightly higher for the three months ended March. Photo: Getty Images By Gyles Beckford of RNZ
'Lowest point of my life': Owner abandons two Dunedin venues May 5, 2026
A woman who poured her life savings into two Dunedin music venues is walking away after a shocking incident and is pointing the finger at previous owners.
Tim Scott
Gloriavale teacher sentenced for beating boys with tools May 5, 2026
Vigilant Standtrue has been sentenced for assaults on boys while he was a teacher at the Gloriavale Christian Community. Photo: RNZ Gloriavale teacher Vigilant Standtrue used a pitchfork, stick, pipe, axe handle, broom handle and shovel handle to assault multiple boys.
Massive blast at Chinese fireworks factory leaves 21 dead May 5, 2026
Firefighters work to distinguish a fire following a blast at a fireworks manufacturing factory in Liuyang, Hunan province, China. Photo: cnsphoto via REUTERS A blast at a fireworks factory in China's Hunan province has killed 21 people and injured 61, prompting President Xi Jinping to call for a thorough investigation, state media is reporting.
'Let the kid on': Act Party wants to change school bus rules May 5, 2026
File photo: RNZ The Act Party wants children to be able to hop on any passing school bus as long as there's space on board.
Inquest hears teacher's fight to save students in caving tragedy May 5, 2026
Emergency services on the scene at Abbey Caves on May 9, 2023, where 15‑year‑old Karnin Petera (inset) died. Photo: NZME A teacher has described the moment he thought he was going to die while trying to save students on a deadly trip to Abbey Caves.
'There were rocks falling, it was extremely unsafe': Gravel trucks pound settlement's narrow roads May 5, 2026
Govt delivers ultimatum to councils May 5, 2026

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