2026

Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Survey shows significant decline in butterfly numbers April 6, 2026
Moths and Butterflies of New Zealand Trust said the drop in Monarch butterflies was even more noticeable as they were once much easier to spot. Photo: ODT files A survey has found that New Zealand's butterflies are in decline, with a drop of around 50 percent across most species.
SH79 reopens after crash near Geraldine April 6, 2026
State Highway 79 has reopened after a crash brought down power lines near Geraldine this afternoon.
Highway reopens after crash near Geraldine April 6, 2026
State Highway 79 has reopened after a crash brought down power lines near Geraldine this afternoon.
US, Iran and mediators make push for 45-day ceasefire: report April 6, 2026
Fuel stocks 'remain within expectations' April 6, 2026
Petrol and jet fuel stocks have risen, while there has been a slight decrease in diesel stocks.
Drenching on way for upper North Island, cyclones being tracked April 6, 2026
MetService says a tropical cyclone could potentially head towards New Zealand within the next week.
Social worker, teen student shared sexual fantasies over message April 5, 2026
A social worker with decades of experience shared sexual fantasies and intimate photos with a teen student at a school where she worked.
Leger-Walker claims historic college basketball title April 5, 2026
Charlisse Leger-Walker helps cut down the net to celebrate UCLA's national college basketball title after beating South Carolina in the final today. Photo: Getty Images Charlisse Leger-Walker has become the first woman from New Zealand to win an NCAA division one national basketball title in the United States.
Peters to meet Rubio in DC April 5, 2026
Winston Peters (left) with Marco Rubio in Washington DC, in 2025. Photo: Getty Images Foreign Minister Winston Peters is travelling to the United States, where he is set to meet with Secretary of State Marco Rubio, among others, in Washington DC.
Ukraine, Syria to co-operate on security, Zelenskyy says April 5, 2026
Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelenskyy (left) meets Syria's President Ahmed al-Sharaa in Damascus. Photo: Reuters Ukraine and Syria pledged greater security co-operation in talks, President Volodymyr Zelenskyy said as Kyiv seeks to promote its military expertise across the region following the outbreak of the US-Israeli war on Iran.

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2026

Inside: Investigation escalates Trump’s long-running feud with Powell over interest rate levels

As sure as Night ’n Day: Family-run business that rose from a corner dairy to 54 franchise stores – can it disrupt supermarket duopoly?

Five New Year’s resolutions we should make as a country – Cecilia Robinson

NZ sharemarket ends first week up over 1% – Market close

Lunch with … Anna Mowbray – the rich-list high-flyer on the keys to business success, raising a blended family with an ex-All Black and her values: ‘I’m definitely a Scrooge!’

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