March 2025

Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Man charged with arson over house fire August 17, 2025
Smoke rising above Main Street Palmerston North. Photo: Supplied A man has been arrested and charged for a housefire in Palmerston North on Sunday afternoon.
Kākā visits backyard August 17, 2025
Farmer jailed for rape and arson says parole system unfair August 17, 2025
Otago beat Wellington in high-scoring thriller August 17, 2025
Adrian Seconi
Separated parents in tug of war over private vs public school for daughter August 17, 2025
All Blacks v Argentina: What we learned August 17, 2025
Violence, riots now common in NZ prisons, staff union says August 17, 2025
Prison guards and staff now face more and more violent incidents and riots, with prisoners more concentrated, their union says a day after a riot at Waikato's Spring Hill facility. Photo: Corrections / Chai Patel By Pretoria Gordon of RNZ
Three Republican-led states send National Guard to Washington August 17, 2025
People walk past members of the National Guard patrolling Union Station with the US Capitol building in the background, in Washington, DC. Photo: Reuters The Republican governors of three states are deploying hundreds of National Guard troops to Washington, DC, at the request of the administration of President Donald Trump, who has portrayed the city as awash […]
Church hat-trick leads Spirit to victory August 17, 2025
Jamie Church of the Spirit looks to break a tackle on her way to a hat-trick against the Pride in Porirua. Photo: Getty Images Leila Hill timed it perfectly.
Kayla Hodge
'Intense investigation': Air traffic control outage to be scrutinised August 17, 2025
An air traffic control IT systems outage to the oceanic area affected flights in New Zealand and Australia yesterday, including this Brisbane-bound flight from Wellington, on which passengers were told the Oceania airspace was closed. Photo: Flight Radar An air traffic control systems disruption which affected trans-Tasman flights was highly unusual and will be the […]

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March 2025

Jeanswest Australian parent company in administration, hundreds of jobs at risk

Allen, Duffy lead rout of Pakistan to seal series win for New Zealand

Pakistan seek belief to stick with new attacking T20 outlook

Spark share price lifts off 13-year low as NZX 50 grinds up – Market close

Mooney, Sutherland and King star as Australia seal series emphatically

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BNZ cuts mortgage rates to draw level with rival ANZ

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