Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Step into the Spirit of Scotland at the Hororātā Highland Games October 28, 2025
The pipes will call once again as the 14th Hororātā Highland Games returns on Saturday 8th November – a full-day celebration of Scottish culture with a uniquely Kiwi twist.
Sports facilities forced to close October 24, 2025
Roofing contractors check damage at the Dunedin Ice Stadium roof. PHOTO: GERARD O'BRIEN Badminton and ice sports are off the cards in Dunedin after two neighbouring sports facilities had parts of their roofs ripped off during severe weather.
Laine Priestley
Obituary: Tumu Te Heuheu, Māori leader October 24, 2025
Sir Tumu Te Heuheu Tūkino VIII. Photo: supplied/The Hui Sir Tumu Te Heuheu carried the mantle of ariki and paramount chief of Ngāti Tūwharetoa for nearly three decades.
Obituary: Bobby Whitlock, musician October 24, 2025
Bobby Whitlock at home in 1976. Photo: Getty Images Memphis-born keyboard player Bobby Whitlock made his escape from an abusive upbringing through discovering rock’n’roll.
Obituary: Hec a man who loved his horses October 24, 2025
Ten-race winner Sand Sweeper and proud trainer Hec Anderton. Photo: ODT files There was not much Hec Anderton could not do with a horse.
Obituary: Terence Stamp, actor October 24, 2025
Terence Stamp at the premiere of the movie "Valkyrie" at the Directors Guild of America in Los Angeles in December 2008. Photo: Reuters Terence Stamp was an actor who could play almost everything — from complex villains to Aussie drag queens.
Forester hybrid powers up October 24, 2025
Subaru has raised its game with the new Forester hybrid. Photo: David Thomson Road test by David Thomson
Class of ’25 do not want footnote tag October 24, 2025
Otago No 8 Christian Lio-Willie on the charge during the NPC semifinal against Bay of Plenty. PHOTO: GREGOR RICHARDSON Will they win?
Adrian Seconi
NZ Cup trip on line as Leap To Fame has last chance to impress October 24, 2025
Leap To Fame will need to produce his best form for trainer-driver Grant Dixon at Melton tonight. PHOTO: SUPPLIED There is so much on the line for champion pacer Leap To Fame at Melton tomorrow night.
First horses named for rich slot races October 24, 2025
The first horses have been announced for the two $500,000 slot races at Addington Raceway on Show Day (November 14).

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