Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Safety fears over lack of harbour lighting August 9, 2025
A nice sight in daytime but with no power poles for lighting, there’s no sight at all at night. PHOTO: ANDREW ASHTON After two years in the dark, moves are being made to address the safety concerns of boaties and people using Oamaru Harbour at night.
Andrew Ashton
ODT quiz: August 9 August 8, 2025
Tamani learning trade at lock August 8, 2025
Otago lock Joseva Tamani prepares to take a lineout ball during a training session at Kettle Park earlier this week. PHOTO: GREGOR RICHARDSON Guess what sport Joseva Tamani grew up playing.
Adrian Seconi
Core of champion Sparks squad back for new season August 8, 2025
Eden Carson appeals a call playing for the Sparks earlier this year. PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES The Otago Sparks have lured another northern all-rounder south for the season.
Adrian Seconi
More than braces needed for restoration August 8, 2025
Restoration of a prominent civic heritage building in Dunedin has begun. Reporter Grant Miller takes a look behind the scaffolding.
Grant Miller
Ending the plastic deluge August 8, 2025
PHOTO: SUPPLIED Microplastics have found their way into our oceans, our food and even our brains. But the man behind landmark research into "the small stuff", Prof Richard Thompson, tells Helen Thomson he thinks a UN pact could help us clean up our act.
Where the grass is greener August 8, 2025
PHOTO: SUPPLIED Our undersea meadows are worth preserving.
Dare we whisper it ... are Wallabies improving? August 8, 2025
Humanoid robots play five-a-side football before the inaugural World Humanoid Robot Games in Beijing. PHOTO: REUTERS Unexpectedly close
Cold shoulder tells story of people’s past August 8, 2025
A reconstruction of the burial of Princess Ukok. PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES One of my most memorable cruises as a guest speaker took us to Kerch, where today Putin’s infamous bridge links Russia to the Ukraine.
A wild night’s precious sights August 8, 2025
PHOTO: IAN GRIFFIN Last weekend, I found myself in Middlemarch, attempting the impossible: warming up a shed. It’s the warm room of my roll-off roof observatory, though "warm" is perhaps an optimistic description. I was painting primer on to bare wooden panels — the first step in what I grandly call "interior design", but which […]

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